I’m So Tired

 So I’m getting over Covid for the first time and while I know it was worse for so many others, I don’t want to get it again. Is that realistic? Probably not. What I’m finding out is that it really runs it course through everyone VERY differently person to person. 

originally written sept 20 2022 

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i had Covid one more time about a year later, first time we caught it from the Duran Duran show at the united center hashtag duh

 and the second one was also likely caught from a musical social outing but the facts escape me now. it wasn't quite as bad but i missed an event and that was a bummer.

She Said She Said

 “She said, I know what it’s like to be dead. I know what it is to be sad. And you’re making me feel like I've never been born.”
I’ve done the legwork, and I can say with a great degree of confidence that there’s a Beatles song for nearly every moment of one’s life. 
Those lyrics are based on LSD trip jibberish, but upon review, maybe that is what the core of grief is. Because very little makes sense and it seems like it goes on and on with no end in sight. (pro-tip: it feels like that because there IS NO END IN SIGHT) 

Maybe you'll carry it a little better or more discreetly, but its always there. A permanent ache in the soul not unlike an ache in a joint when the weather shifts to rain. You are always aware of it. You are better not to ignore it. It is tiresome. Some days hurt more than others. 

i wrote this is in july 2022 and it was still in the drafts, so i published it today when i found it.